Finding love again after the hurt.....
May 4th 2008 08:55
When I was a teenager, I thought I would grow up, get married, have lots of kids and live happily ever after. Naive I know, but there is still that hope to find a true love.
Having been separated from my daughters father for near 7 years, I have tried living with one guy, dated a few and never made it to anything healthy and rewarding. For me, this is very frustrating.
Dont get me wrong, I am attractive, have a boyfriend and am a good person. The problem I face is the guys I meet do not want to take on the `package.' They do not want to get involved with the emotional side and the support that I need in order to maintain myself in order to be a good parent. It seems easier for them to give up and walk away, because at the end of the day they cannot respect my needs and feel I cannot give in to theirs.
I have tried to meet people through social organisations but do not seem to meet people like myself. The question I want to ask, how do single, responsible and self assured parents go on to find a true love and acquire the love and respect they deserve?
Having been separated from my daughters father for near 7 years, I have tried living with one guy, dated a few and never made it to anything healthy and rewarding. For me, this is very frustrating.
Dont get me wrong, I am attractive, have a boyfriend and am a good person. The problem I face is the guys I meet do not want to take on the `package.' They do not want to get involved with the emotional side and the support that I need in order to maintain myself in order to be a good parent. It seems easier for them to give up and walk away, because at the end of the day they cannot respect my needs and feel I cannot give in to theirs.
I have tried to meet people through social organisations but do not seem to meet people like myself. The question I want to ask, how do single, responsible and self assured parents go on to find a true love and acquire the love and respect they deserve?
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Comment by Anonymous
The problem with giving opinions on personal matters is that, normally, the opinion maker does not see the whole picture surrounding the person or situation he is making an opinion about.
Those unknowns usually make the opinions insignificant, or worse, become ammunitions that the receiver uses in rejecting the opinions offered. Part of the unknowns that totally alienate the “advice-seeker” from the “adviser” (if I may use the terms) is their ability to see things from the same perspective.
You mentioned for example that you are: a good person, attractive, responsible and self assured. These are good traits, and I am sure they are true. But from who’s point of view? You see, you are probably even wondering now if I am here to help you find “Mr. Right Guy” or to question your integrity.
But before you think that I mean you harm, please consider a few things like maybe the way you are projecting yourself to them (I am making this suggestion because I don’t know how you are projecting yourself to your romantic partners). Aren’t you coming on too strong, feigning too much attention, etc? You have to remember that even twins are never one hundred percent exactly alike. You may be giving them wrong signals.
For all you know, your perceptions of things are from opposite poles. Some research studies recognize the fact that men and women think differently. When you say that “they do not want to take on the whole package,” it is possible that you missed the fact that the guy you met with is not after the whole package in the first place.
Most, if not all, men will always go for attractive women – especially single moms. And I am sure you know why this is so. Some even believe that single moms are easier to bring to bed because they are already experienced in bed. Oh, ah.., guys who are only after bed experience never ever take the whole package.
So, I guess, one of the things that you can do to find your “Mr. Right” is to avoid the stigma of being an “easy prey”. If you are truly “self assured” then you don’t need an emotional crutch to depend on, showing them that you can be independent would give you at least one positive point.
Another thing that you can do is to make sure that the next guy is not just there to pull your leg. Literally - and figuratively.
Comment by frogwellrincess
For me personally, I am very aware of the `easy prey' assumption and this in itself has made me somewhat aggressive towards men, probably not so attractive and then at times I have been to needy. My current boyfriend has made me aware of some of my flaws and is quite mature and patient with me.
He himself chased me for about 4-5 months before I would go out with him, I didn't trust him, and I still dont know if he's Mr Right or Mr Right for now.
So there in itself I have answered my own personal question, I do not trust and I know I can come across as a bit to independant.
I would love to hear others dating experiences.