Braaking free from an abuse when you have childen
March 30th 2008 12:45
My youngest sister is 21. She has 2 children aged 2yo and 6 months. We had a falling out nearly 12 months ago, she has taken out a protection order against me (in Qld).
Her boyfriend came to stay with me. The purpose, he was to get a much needed job. I promised him he would have a job within the week, he had one within 3 days. Cut a long story short, he was not capable of holding a job. He did not want to get up every morning (I got him up and had work myself combined with a school aged child) and he did not want to take orders. He quit 3 jobs within 1 month and tried to blame everyone else.
He was ringing my sister telling her lies about how he had landed a great job etc. and he was going to be manager (in all 3 jobs mind you!). When I told her the truth and the fact i caught him cheating, they both turned on me.
I understand she was pregnant, but the day he put his fist up to me and threw my property at me and called me every name under the sun, I told her what a good for nothing he was.
Of course she took him back and he abused the hell out of me threatening if I tried to contact her again what he would do to me. I told my father what had happened, he believed her, yet 2 months later he threw him out for exactly the same thing, yet vowed he was the problem and my sister was welcome back anytime. He did not like him and saw him for what he was. Her boyfriend even abused my daughter and I at my mother's funeral and later told us we had no right to be there, but of course, I was making that up.
My sister assured me he had never hit her before but the aggression I had experienced and the mental and emotional abuse I had witnessed (and intervened) I knew his true colours.
Well fast track about 10 months later. She has kicked him out.
Last week she found him living out of her garage 3 weeks after she had thrown him out. She told him to leave, he threw a punch at her, missed and she tried to call the police. He grabbed the phone off her and took off. Two days later her friend came to stay. They found him again, living out of the garage This time when asked to leave, he punched her in the face and smashed the phone when she tried to call for help. Her friend tried to call 000, was punched as well and had her phone smashed, but her call got through and an AVO has been listed. Unfortunately the police are yet to be able to locate him and my sister is moving in with my dad next weekend just to be sure her and the kids are safe.
I am so sorry to know my sister is going through this and as much as I try to undestand, I don't think I can forgive her for all the abuse she sat back and let me cop. I hate the fact I sit here and gloat knowing I was right. All the hurt and abuse she put me through, fair enugh, I just feel guilty for feeling so good now from the fact I was right.
My mother died whilst this was going on and she chose him over me to be there to help her. The order she took out was full of lies and accusations and down right defarmation ( I know he put her up to it, but all the same, she went ahead with it), yet she thought she had the right to abuse me for supposed untruths. How could I ever trust her again?
My last boyfriend became abusive as you'll learn in later posts, but I always stood by my family and their advice. I just don't understand how she could have so maliciously turned on me? I literally bent over backwards for them and never lied to her. How could she dafame me the way she did and have me go through abuse from others to now have them suck up to me because they know I was telling the truth?
The big question is how do you renew a relationship and how do you forgive and regain a relatonship when the other's pride is hittng the floor? The hardest part is I have been there and I would love to be able to love and guide her, but I don't trust she will listen and just guide me into another sense of self blame.
She has really hurt me at a very vunerable time. Is there any chance or hope to get through this? Has anyone else experienced domestic violence that has broken down family/friend ships and been able to get through it? Would love to hear your thoughts.
Her boyfriend came to stay with me. The purpose, he was to get a much needed job. I promised him he would have a job within the week, he had one within 3 days. Cut a long story short, he was not capable of holding a job. He did not want to get up every morning (I got him up and had work myself combined with a school aged child) and he did not want to take orders. He quit 3 jobs within 1 month and tried to blame everyone else.
He was ringing my sister telling her lies about how he had landed a great job etc. and he was going to be manager (in all 3 jobs mind you!). When I told her the truth and the fact i caught him cheating, they both turned on me.
I understand she was pregnant, but the day he put his fist up to me and threw my property at me and called me every name under the sun, I told her what a good for nothing he was.
Of course she took him back and he abused the hell out of me threatening if I tried to contact her again what he would do to me. I told my father what had happened, he believed her, yet 2 months later he threw him out for exactly the same thing, yet vowed he was the problem and my sister was welcome back anytime. He did not like him and saw him for what he was. Her boyfriend even abused my daughter and I at my mother's funeral and later told us we had no right to be there, but of course, I was making that up.
My sister assured me he had never hit her before but the aggression I had experienced and the mental and emotional abuse I had witnessed (and intervened) I knew his true colours.
Well fast track about 10 months later. She has kicked him out.
Last week she found him living out of her garage 3 weeks after she had thrown him out. She told him to leave, he threw a punch at her, missed and she tried to call the police. He grabbed the phone off her and took off. Two days later her friend came to stay. They found him again, living out of the garage This time when asked to leave, he punched her in the face and smashed the phone when she tried to call for help. Her friend tried to call 000, was punched as well and had her phone smashed, but her call got through and an AVO has been listed. Unfortunately the police are yet to be able to locate him and my sister is moving in with my dad next weekend just to be sure her and the kids are safe.
I am so sorry to know my sister is going through this and as much as I try to undestand, I don't think I can forgive her for all the abuse she sat back and let me cop. I hate the fact I sit here and gloat knowing I was right. All the hurt and abuse she put me through, fair enugh, I just feel guilty for feeling so good now from the fact I was right.
My mother died whilst this was going on and she chose him over me to be there to help her. The order she took out was full of lies and accusations and down right defarmation ( I know he put her up to it, but all the same, she went ahead with it), yet she thought she had the right to abuse me for supposed untruths. How could I ever trust her again?
My last boyfriend became abusive as you'll learn in later posts, but I always stood by my family and their advice. I just don't understand how she could have so maliciously turned on me? I literally bent over backwards for them and never lied to her. How could she dafame me the way she did and have me go through abuse from others to now have them suck up to me because they know I was telling the truth?
The big question is how do you renew a relationship and how do you forgive and regain a relatonship when the other's pride is hittng the floor? The hardest part is I have been there and I would love to be able to love and guide her, but I don't trust she will listen and just guide me into another sense of self blame.
She has really hurt me at a very vunerable time. Is there any chance or hope to get through this? Has anyone else experienced domestic violence that has broken down family/friend ships and been able to get through it? Would love to hear your thoughts.
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I went through similar stuff with mu daughters father and have had to make amends with family members.
The thing is I had to prove to them I learnt and grown from the experience and try not to make the same mistakes again.